11/19/2010 08:56:00 AM

Am I your friend? Really?

I took 28 (and counting) people off my Facebook friends list for "National Defriend Day" on Wednesday, including people whose names I don't recognize, people who I have not spoken to in 5 years for no good reason (other than that we mutually didn't care enough about each other), and people who post things that annoy me because they are so crass, foolish, and rude.

I'm not too ashamed to admit that I was really struggling with deleting people from my friends list, as if having 511 is "ok" and having "483" friends is "loserish."

The actual process is strangely liberating and enlightening - I realized through doing it how easily I crave approval from others and just how precious true friendship is.

The hardest part was deleting (yes, being honest here) old crushes or fake "just friends" relationships... not that I still carried a flame for the person per se... but I think it was more of an active illustration that I was really "letting go" and not going to allow myself to be tempted to do the crazy girl stalking thing, waiting for some glorious and dramatic "closure" to ambiguous endings that I think I need, but I don't really truly need.

I feel like by doing this I am really valuing my privacy more, and holding sacred my life and just how much of it I share with others. Also, strangely enough, that I trust God with my relationships - that if He really wanted me to reconnect with people in the future, He'll put them my way, in person, live in the flesh, and not through some pseudo-acquaintance on the internet where clicking "accept friend" is the furthest we'll ever go in terms of communicating with each other.

So, if you're still on my list: ta-da! I value you (or I value your farm on Farmville, so we can still be neighbors and I can get free gifts from you). Heh.


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