tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13140174368125260822024-03-12T19:43:09.313-04:00witty titleGracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.comBlogger53125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-50808504882912134842010-12-29T20:40:00.002-05:002010-12-29T20:42:34.462-05:00Smart doggie, trouble doggie<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3egt5xS_wYpIwtE4Lj1BHrCq_LNQDPS0wFXgu5TXpvUnwWrWvbaummrH2AVo4cV4zDtMcqFolFHYXdrkJU325go6MGKVvij4x7hms8JMRXagMSt9be63MQDVo6pW7aSBnAin4l76syz_C/s1600/IMAG0105.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3egt5xS_wYpIwtE4Lj1BHrCq_LNQDPS0wFXgu5TXpvUnwWrWvbaummrH2AVo4cV4zDtMcqFolFHYXdrkJU325go6MGKVvij4x7hms8JMRXagMSt9be63MQDVo6pW7aSBnAin4l76syz_C/s320/IMAG0105.jpg" width="191" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Mom, how could you do this to meeee???</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">There are advantages and disadvantages of having a smart dog, and I am totally getting a crash course on why Shiba owners say that raising a Shiba is like a full-time job. At the end of the day, there is this lingering suspicion that in a Shiba's eyes, they own their handlers, not the other way around.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I will be honest and say that I would rather much prefer a dumb dog that just wants to be a lazy lapdog all day (Japanese Chin?). Being mentally challenged at work, I am not prepared to be mentally, emotionally and emotionally challenged at home - by a puppy no less! When Katsu's good, he's really good. And when he's bad, well... in the past week there's been a couple of times when I found myself looking forward to going to work to see some of my most difficult, borderline, Axis II patients. ;)</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">In the meantime, through these ups and downs, Eric and I have mutually decided that he would take Katsu for now on the weekdays. Having the threat of the bloodcurdling Shiba scream always looming close by makes it hard for me to consistently train Katsu in an apartment setting (especially in one where I can hear my neighbors talking on their phones upstairs - I can only imagine what they are thinking when they hear Katsu's bratty yet epically operatic wailing). The plan is to intensively use the weekends to socialize Katsu to people and other puppies as we get set up with a private dog trainer (more on that later). </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Now I understand why Shiba owners are so crazy about their pets... it definitely isn't a hobby, but a lifestyle!</div>Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-76249907453357315262010-12-23T10:47:00.001-05:002010-12-23T10:49:13.910-05:00The Katsu Diaries: Day 6<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJekfXfuKzwhoe3F6aBrCFaotjimNcX4tAoAJJboHDOHythTlqm0cCuA6VKW2Mj_FaY4dXRxBTHDUOLXmrj6OB7UUmKPVQPNRuSySIxxIFDaWLNtxHordnAlCW2h0pGfBh7X3PWuCqkk_6/s1600/IMAG0097.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJekfXfuKzwhoe3F6aBrCFaotjimNcX4tAoAJJboHDOHythTlqm0cCuA6VKW2Mj_FaY4dXRxBTHDUOLXmrj6OB7UUmKPVQPNRuSySIxxIFDaWLNtxHordnAlCW2h0pGfBh7X3PWuCqkk_6/s320/IMAG0097.jpg" width="191" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Do not let this picture fool you.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Cratetraining Katsu for housebreaking has been a roller coaster ride. Generally, Katsu's been a very good boy in terms of doing his business outside. Leaving him in a crate though while I'm away or going to bed is another story. He employs what Shiba owners label the "Shiba scream" - a mix of whining, high-pitched shrieks and agonizing barks. This morning, it was very very bad and (I am ashamed to say this) I got mad at him. If I were raising him in a house, I would not be so anxious, but since I am in an apartment I'm always worried about his barking and screaming becoming a nuisance to the neighbors. Moreover, I feel like people who don't know about the "Shiba scream" misinterpret those sounds as proof that I'm somehow abusing or neglecting Katsu, when that is not the case at all. Shibas are drama queens, and Katsu in particular is very good at it!</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">My theory about why he was so bratty this morning is probably because I'm giving him too much freedom to run around in the evening. It will be a relief when the bigger crate comes in. As hard as it will be for me, I will have to limit his freedom to the bigger crate until he is more well-trained. I think if he's used to being in a more confined space, he may not resist so verbally when I do put him back in his carrier between my work hours, lunch, and getting home from work. Also, he's starting to bark at strangers when he's out - for now he gets away with it because everyone things he's "oh so adorable" - but that's not going to be the case when he grows up to be a bigger fox-wolf hybrid. :P</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">If anything, the silver lining in this is that I am really starting to see my own deficits as a "strong, firm, and positive" leader. Nothing like a rambunctious puppy to test the limits of your patience. Please pray that I can positive reinforce Katsu to not be so "dramatic". He's a good puppy, but obviously he doesn't know how much trouble it will cause if the neighbors complain! I am planning to start puppy kindergarten with him in February (can't do January as I will be away the last week in Taiwan), but there's still a month to go in which I should have lots of opportunity to address his behavior. If anyone has any tips for me, I would appreciate them!</div>Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-19132595609820490142010-12-21T09:34:00.000-05:002010-12-21T09:34:03.114-05:00The Katsu Diaries: Days 1-4<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ7XBpzYgBzeMNzlDBkYK7U3z7X3NG9f8mZTS0DkHlH1P5PjE-azVS0Ttdn1xhhEWcy6kdsrnsAdaq87kWvFFdaq5F-ATlRrXgSzftxX2zlGdY-Q63pD4GKNPNKeRfjKPV8PJ7CPV2T1-A/s1600/IMG_20101218_135807.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" n4="true" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQ7XBpzYgBzeMNzlDBkYK7U3z7X3NG9f8mZTS0DkHlH1P5PjE-azVS0Ttdn1xhhEWcy6kdsrnsAdaq87kWvFFdaq5F-ATlRrXgSzftxX2zlGdY-Q63pD4GKNPNKeRfjKPV8PJ7CPV2T1-A/s320/IMG_20101218_135807.jpg" width="240" /></a></div><div align="center">Hi everyone, I'm Katsu!</div><div align="center"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Eric got me a puppy on the 28th (duh statement). Right now, Eric is fostering Carmen while Katsu and I adjust to living together in CT (I also didn't want to deal with a new puppy and a potentially crazy cat in the same car). Katsu has been an affectionate puppy; I took him to my coworker's house, and he seems like he's more bonded to me now since he stays close to my side.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">Cratetraining has been tiring, but not as stressful as I thought. My main concern is leaving him during my work hours. I have had to pleasure to hear Katsu's version of the "Shiba scream," and it ain't pretty. I don't want my neighbors complaining, because that would most likely end up in Katsu not being able to live with me. Good thing these two weeks are holiday weeks, so things are slower and I can spend more time with Katsu.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: left;">I can't wait to bring Katsu back to New Jersey and meet everyone. He's a very shy boy and having lots of socialization will do him good! If you have a dog, please bring him/her to meet Katsu!</div>Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-79261566881176560252010-11-19T08:56:00.008-05:002010-11-19T09:09:51.981-05:00Am I your friend? Really?I took 28 (and counting) people off my Facebook friends list for "National Defriend Day" on Wednesday, including people whose names I don't recognize, people who I have not spoken to in 5 years for no good reason (other than that we mutually didn't care enough about each other), and people who post things that annoy me because they are so crass, foolish, and rude.<br /><br />I'm not too ashamed to admit that I was really struggling with deleting people from my friends list, as if having 511 is "ok" and having "483" friends is "loserish."<br /><br />The actual process is strangely liberating and enlightening - I realized through doing it how easily I crave approval from others and just how precious true friendship is.<br /><br />The hardest part was deleting (yes, being honest here) old crushes or fake "just friends" relationships... not that I still carried a flame for the person per se... but I think it was more of an active illustration that I was really "letting go" and not going to allow myself to be tempted to do the crazy girl stalking thing, waiting for some glorious and dramatic "closure" to ambiguous endings that I <em>think</em> I need, but I don't really truly need.<br /><br />I feel like by doing this I am really valuing my privacy more, and holding sacred my life and just how much of it I share with others. Also, strangely enough, that I trust God with my relationships - that if He really wanted me to reconnect with people in the future, He'll put them my way, in person, live in the flesh, and not through some pseudo-acquaintance on the internet where clicking "accept friend" is the furthest we'll ever go in terms of communicating with each other.<br /><br />So, if you're still on my list: ta-da! I value you (or I value your farm on Farmville, so we can still be neighbors and I can get free gifts from you). Heh.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-49036293077026727812010-10-11T10:39:00.005-04:002010-10-11T10:56:23.543-04:00So, what have I been up to?Mostly, interacting with people I thought I would never interact with.<div><ul><li>Ex-convicts</li><li>Domestic violence perpetrators</li><li>Parole officers</li><li>Drunkards and druggies</li><li>Rape and abuse survivors</li><li>Suicidal vets</li><li>People who hear voices</li><li>Clients with frontal lobe injury which leads them to say/do inappropriate things </li><li>Trauma victims (not "OMG, I saw Saw 2 and I was traumatized" and more "I saw my buddy's arm tearing off from his shoulder, and I couldn't do anything")</li></ul><div>I have really been smacked in the face with two facts:</div></div><div>1. I have been extremely sheltered, which is both a blessing and a curse</div><div>2. Human suffering is universal and much darker, sorrowful, and tangible than I cared to acknowledge previously</div><div>3. Being a female in an extremely male-dominated work culture is a double-edged sword</div><div><br /></div><div>It's been a wild ride, and while I don't enjoy every minute of it, I wouldn't trade it for anything.</div><div><br /></div><div>As a Christian, once my eyes have been opened to the extent of good and evil, joy and suffering in this world, there's no way I can go back and live in my little cocoon where I think going to a soup kitchen once every other month is an acceptable offering to God. I'm not slamming those who have dedicated themselves to this since I think what God requires of each person is different. I'm just saying that isn't for me.</div><div><br /></div><div>Most important, I have learned to value the gift of my salvation, and understand much more fully what my life might have been like without it. I am in awe that God has chosen me and it is a privilege to be in a profession where I can serve Him in some of the darkest places: in people's hearts.</div><div><br /></div><div>That's what I have been up to, since my internship started.</div>Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-51326107355116756882010-08-27T14:38:00.003-04:002010-08-27T14:50:32.574-04:00Competent in ChristI'd be lying if I said I wasn't starting to feel stressed about the start of my pre-doc internship. I have been a student for +10 years and now I find myself for the first time in full-time work as a professional... sure, I am an intern but to my veteran clients who will be coming to me with schizophrenia, with depression and anxiety, with post-traumatic stress, with alcohol and drug problems, they're not going to know me as Grace the grad student but 'Dr.' Yan, their psychotherapist who is going to help them with their complicated, messy, sobering problems.<br /><br />I definitely feel my knees buckling under the fear that I'll be found incompetent, lacking, disappointing my supervisors, disparaged by my peers for my lack of professional knowledge.<br /><br />So, it has been a great comfort to me to read and re-read this, written by Paul to the Corinthians:<br /><p style="font-style: italic;">Are we beginning to commend ourselves again? Or do we need, like some people, letters of recommendation to you or from you? You yourselves are our letter, written on our hearts, known and read by everybody. You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not with ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets of stone but on tablets of human hearts. </p><p style="font-style: italic;">Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. <span style="font-weight: bold;">Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant—not of the letter but of the Spirit</span>; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.</p>I'm no theologian, so I won't attempt to go into the other things this passage addresses, but I will say that I take great comfort in this verse, because while I have always pictured Paul being this macho man of spiritual steel, in this verse I can almost hear the vulnerability in his heart, that he too sometimes buckled under this longing for approval, this fear of incompetency. It's one of the first times where I felt I could connect to Paul as a person, rather than a great, remarkable figure out of my reach. His assurance and reminder of what we should worship and what is the true measure of success really hits home.<br /><br />I will be reciting these verses when I go in for hospital orientation Monday morning.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-45043012530746593382010-05-20T11:50:00.001-04:002010-05-20T11:52:02.429-04:00<span style="font-weight: bold;">"Imagine</span> a violinist. If, without having learned the least bit of music, he were to take his seat in the orchestra and right away begin playing, he would not only be disturbed but would disturb others. No, for a long time he practices by himself, alone. As far as possible not a thing disturbs him there; he sits and beats time etc. But his aim is to play with the orchestra. He must be able to tolerate the profusion of the most varied instruments, this interweaving of sounds, and yet be able to attend to his violin and play along just as calmly and confidently as if he were home alone in his room. Oh, this again makes it necessary for him to be by himself to learn to be able to do this–but the aim is always that he play in the orchestra. It is the same with faith and the task of living it out."<br /><br />I love reading Kierkegaard.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-49429180854268601692010-04-26T18:46:00.004-04:002010-04-26T18:59:55.403-04:00#35, 41, and a Solid RockDone and done. I enjoy gardening more than I thought I would, and Stephen Colbert's a nice guy. I went back and read my list again and I have since lost interest in a good number of those things that are still undone. Oh how fickle I am. :P<br /><br />There has been a lot on my mind since March. I went to Hong Kong, ate a ton of good food, met up with friends, but also had to process my grandfather's aging up close and personal when he had a stroke at the airport while receiving me from my flight. Not really going to write about my personal feelings about that, but I have thought a lot about death, dying and loss since that trip and also learning about my aunt's death and other 'losses' I am going to experience soon. And it all culminated in a very clear reminder that I have nothing to fear, because everything I have gone through and will go through - experientially, emotionally, spiritually - Jesus has been there. Everyone dies alone, but those who love Christ do not <span style="font-style: italic;">really</span> die alone. I think the process of dying will only draw me closer to Jesus and it may be the most intimate moment I will have with him in this life, and that is great comfort.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-37803641864220896072010-03-01T21:18:00.003-05:002010-03-01T21:23:07.914-05:00The dust has settledNow that I know where I am going in August for pre-doc internship (VA hospital [whoo-hoo!] in West Haven [blegh]), I'm trying to cram all my traveling & seeing family in before I depart Dirtee Jerzee for at least a year (or two).<br /><br />Spring break: Fort Lauderdale<br />Spring break 2: Hong Kong<br />Sometime between spring break 2 and summer break: Dissertation<br />Summer: Originally Malawi, but on second thought, not such a good idea since I'll have to focus on moving. Maybe someplace in Europe for two weeks. Germany? Italy? Or maybe a cruise to the Caribbeans? <span style="font-style: italic;">If</span> I have time & money then.<br /><br />I can't believe I'm leaving Jersey. Mixed feelings.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-12859494669570480002010-02-04T23:01:00.003-05:002010-02-04T23:05:31.801-05:00Internship1 in 5 applicants do not match.<br /><br />A total of 45% of all applicants who obtained a position matched to their first choice internship program, approximately two-thirds (66%) received one of their top two choices, and nearly four-in-five (78%) received one of their top three choices.<br /><br />What this means for me: Do not end up the "1 in 5", then roll the dice and become part of that 45% who get their first choice.<br /><br />If I don't get my first choice, but match, most likely that will mean I will either have to move back to Bergen County or Connecticut, and I don't really want to do either. My first choice is my first choice by <span style="font-style: italic;">a lot</span>.<br /><br />2.5 weeks of waiting... we'll see what happens.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-68777259328859864232010-01-06T03:22:00.003-05:002010-01-06T03:29:36.050-05:00The worst is over?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.lvlg.com/lasvegas/attracts/redrock1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 179px; height: 107px;" src="http://www.lvlg.com/lasvegas/attracts/redrock1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />The last few times I've been in Vegas it's been full of crap.<br /><br />No, really. Either I got into fights with my "parents" (read: my mother), or my sister, or my romantic/relational life/dreams/hopes get destroyed into smithereens.<br /><br />I actually really enjoyed my time in Vegas this round.<br /><br />It could be because of one of many reasons...<br />- I purposely kept the trip short, avoiding the holiday season by coming right after 1/1.<br />- I only saw my parents this time. No other complications.<br />- I am more mature.<br /><br />Yeah, it's probably 1 and 2.<br /><br />But seriously, I don't want to go back. Who wants to go back to cold depressing Jersey where I actually have to wear a winter coat to not die outdoors, back to work and internship interviews and dissertation. But I guess it's ok since the faster I get those things done the faster the next chapter of my life can start. Even though I'm really starting to think I will miss being a full-time student. I probably won't have this type of schedule ever again in my life. Sigh.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-27429967741306928862010-01-02T10:07:00.005-05:002010-01-02T10:19:26.235-05:002010Happy new year!<br /><br />As dumb as I think resolutions are, it is nice to make some achievable goals so there is something to shoot for in the coming year. When you think about it a new year really doesn't mean anything, but it's probably nice to have the feeling that everything gets a new, fresh start. Insert that cheesy quote about shooting for the moon and landing among the stars here. For me it's more like shooting for the moon and at least lifting two inches off the ground, never mind the stupid stars. I'm not <span style="font-style: italic;">that</span> idealistic. So I understand the feeling of hope and anticipation people have this week. At least until they start to epic fail their resolutions, then the feeling of motivated excitement gives way to disappointed disillusionment. But I digress.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2010 goals:</span><br />1. Finish my interviews in one piece and make a match rank list that is to my liking<br />2. Figure out why the heck God wants me to stay in Jersey (or East Coast) for another 2 years<br />3. Become more selfless in relationships. Man does it hurt to be selfless. I never realized how psychically painful it is to humble myself, especially when I feel like I'm entitled to something and even when I know I'm in the wrong<br />4. Start running/exercising routinely again. I'm staring at my gut as I speak. It mocks me, knowing that it'll reign supreme at least until the 6th, when I come back to Vegas. I glare and it blinks back, immovable and unfeeling as the mountains that resisted Mohammed. Sooo disgusting.<br />5. Read more books<br />6. Find a ministry<br />7. Write in my personal blog more (not this one... a private one)<br />8. Re-visit that bucket list<br />9. Defend my dissertation<br />10. Refine my cooking skills. I feel like this goal has been here forever since I started living on my own. But the fact that I managed to bake cinnamon oatmeal cookies for NYE and people actually liking them has given me encouragement to do this more intentionally.<br /><br />I think that's good enough. 10 goals for 2010, some quicker to achieve to keep up my morale, others requirement more diligence and patience. Any more and I'm definitely setting myself up for failure. Anyway, if you have resolutions/goals for the coming year, share them for the sake of accountability.<br /><br />Happy new year!... Again.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-76744737947826648612009-12-18T18:12:00.003-05:002009-12-18T18:18:33.464-05:00becoming a hermitAnd the finalists are...<br />CT VA (West Haven)<br /> NJ VA (Newark & Lyons)<br /> MD VA (Baltimore)<br /> UMDNJ (Newark)<br /> Montefiore (NYC)<br /> Trinitas (NJ)<br /> UMDNJ (Piscataway)<br />American Lake VA (Tacoma, WA)<br /><br />8 is not bad. I was not aware of this until recently, but supposedly I applied to some of the really competitive VAs (West Haven & Baltimore) where if I get matched there, I will totally kick butt as a psychologist specializing in SMI. My professional self would love to go there, but my personal self prefers to stay in NJ/NY. We'll see.<br /><br />With all the internship/dissertation stuff and my mind focused on the future, I've been feeling pretty tired. I used to love hanging out with people, but for the past month or so I noticed myself becoming more reclusive. I look forward to staying in on the weeknights and meeting with only 1-2 people tops on the weekends. Big groups tire me. It may also have to do with the Driscoll sermon I listened to on Christian friendship that made me realize I really don't have as many genuine friendships as I thought I did (and this was only affirmed when PW started his series on genuine fellowship that same week). What bothers me the most is that all this doesn't bother me much (makes sense?). I'm pretty much ok with seeing less people for now. Maybe it is partly because my life is in flux, and I'm holding my breath to see where I will be. Once I find out in February, then I will have to start making some big decisions.<br /><br />For now I'm focused on developing the genuine friendships I have - the ones that are God-centered, not activity-centered - and waiting to see what unfolds for the next two years of my life. I wish I could sound more excited, but that's how tired I am. :PGracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-17675455620827924212009-12-14T16:22:00.004-05:002009-12-14T16:30:28.695-05:00Status so farInternship interviews. I am in a state of 'controlled panic,' but still mostly at peace. I love God, and he is good.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Interviews completed:</span><br />CT VA (West Haven)<br />NJ VA (Newark & Lyons)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Interviews upcoming:</span><br />MD VA (Baltimore)<br />UMDNJ (Newark)<br />Montefiore (NYC)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Rejections:</span><br />Portland VA<br />Seattle VA<br />Boston Consortium<br />Bellevue (NYC)<br />St. Luke's (NYC)<br />Maimonides (NYC)<br />Coler-Goldwater (NYC)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Waiting to hear:</span><br />Trinitas (NJ)<br />UMDNJ (Piscataway)<br />Edith Nourse VA (Boston)<br />American Lake VA (Tacoma)<br /><br />So I guess people are right when they say NYC is still psychodynamically oriented. Very much so. And except for Tacoma (and I'm totally expecting rejection from them), all the West Coast sites have turned me down. So God has definitely answered my prayers that he would close doors to places I 'should not' be for the next two years. It looks like I'll be sticking around the East Coast. Not sure how I feel about that yet.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-70665854494895529182009-12-11T23:50:00.001-05:002009-12-11T23:52:14.862-05:00<div style="text-align: center;">Don't tell me not to live, just sit and putter<br />Life's candy and the sun's a ball of butter<br />Don't bring around a cloud to rain on my parade<br />Don't tell me not to fly, I simply got to<br />If someone takes a spill, it's me and not you<br />Who told you you're allowed to rain on my parade?</div>Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-75288393143294749752009-11-24T11:37:00.008-05:002009-11-24T11:58:01.468-05:00Being robbed of gratitude<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.gratitude-rocks.com/images/Gratitude-Rocks%20stones%20%282%29.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 239px; height: 178px;" src="http://www.gratitude-rocks.com/images/Gratitude-Rocks%20stones%20%282%29.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Ironic that this week is Thanksgiving... because it feels like this week is when things start to snowball into big rolling boulders of stress, threatening to mow me over in an overwhelming cascade of grumbling and complaints. I mean, I know I'm neurotic by nature, but today I just needed to take a break from it all, breathe, and write in an attempt to organize my thoughts.<br /><br />Some highlights:<br />- Condo fee going up (again) to $315/month. I hate being confrontational but 2010 may be the year I really have to make an effort to attend the condo meetings. We don't hear about any progress in trying to recoup money from the previous association that screwed us over. The irony is, they always tell us about the increase in the same letter where they wish us a happy holiday season. I keep having a mental picture of someone stabbing me in the back while wishing me a happy birthday at the same time.<br />- My master's manuscript which has underwent billions of revisions is still in limbo because all my 'co-authors' (meaning advisors, supervisors, etc.) cannot agree to just support me and let me submit the paper. Too many chefs in the kitchen for a dish that should have really been mine.<br />- Some departmental politics at UMDNJ, where this girl who doesn't know me at all is assuming things and telling my supervisor things about me and my co-workers that are untrue. I can't stand it when people use others to try to gain leverage in a department. To top it off, she will be there tomorrow when I run the social skills group for a second time with a bunch of psychotic schizophrenia patients.<br /><br />All this has left me feeling impatient, fed up with people, and aggressive. I guess I should be thankful that I am feeling this way instead of depressed, insecure and down. It's better to be angry and productive than to be a steaming pile of uselessness. But as I sit here and think about everything I can be mad at, I also feel a spiritual component to all this, that there is something almost tangible in the air, tempting me to grumble, to complain, to treat others coldly and to assume the worst.<br /><br />I'm not sure if this post has any point behind this, but I suppose I just wanted to share that if you are also feeling the same way -- that during the holidays when everything is supposed to be like it is on TV (families coming together, everyone laughing, no stress, huge gluttony and yet retainment of slim waistlines), that it is most likely also a spiritual battle. I know that lack of gratitude leads me to be annoyed with God and to discount all the blessings I've been given, and it's going to take effort for me to push back today through devos, prayer and listening to some solid Driscoll teachings. I hope if you're reading this that you pray for me, that I would learn to be patient, accommodating and grateful this week, and that you know I am praying for you as well. Don't let the world and Satan rob you of the precious gift of gratitude this season.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"Go over before the ark of the LORD your God into the middle of the Jordan. Each of you is to take up a stone on his shoulder, according to the number of the tribes of the Israelites, to serve as a sign among you. In the future, when your children ask you, 'What do these stones mean?' tell them that the flow of the Jordan was cut off before the ark of the covenant of the LORD. When it crossed the Jordan, the waters of the Jordan were cut off. These stones are to be a memorial to the people of Israel forever." - Joshua 4</span>Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-47883034662848351442009-11-14T16:17:00.001-05:002009-11-14T16:18:51.244-05:00A million miles in a thousand years"The character has to jump into the story, into the discomfort and the fear, otherwise the story will never happen" ~ Donald Miller (p. 106)Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-15937097554044480322009-11-03T10:48:00.005-05:002009-11-03T12:57:23.868-05:005 thingsI haven't updated in awhile, so I'll blitz through the five things that are in my head <span style="font-style: italic;">right now:<br /></span><ol><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Halloween</span> - In NYC was crazy. Never ever rely on the subway during Halloween. Super crowded, filled with skanky girls and drunkards. Steph noticed a lot of drunk girls crying on the streets. Some guy dressed up as Dorothy from Wizard of Oz tried to pick us up, asking if we wanted to go to Kansas with him. Good food made it all bearable (not good-for-you, but it-tastes-good variety). Nicky's Viet Sandwiches, Otakfuku, Crif dogs, PDT, Virage. My stomach misses living in Manhattan. But not my cholesterol count.<br /></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Internships</span> - Finally committed and pressed that "submit" button for places in NJ, NYC, West Haven, Boston, Baltimore, Portland, and Seattle. Scary to think I may not be here next year. Comforting to know God will never leave me to deal with changes and challenges by myself.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Dissertation</span> - need to get started on data analysis. I hate data analysis. You start out with predetermined steps then end up in a million directions if the data doesn't 'behave' the way one anticipates. But a necessary step I must complete before the end of this year.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Singleness</span> - For some time after August, I was pretty annoyed and sad about what happened in Vegas, but now it's so weird how mentality changes. Of course, I would still like to have a family someday, but for now I'm really enjoying not being in a relationship. This is (ironically and unexpectedly) creating some interesting developments as of late. Regardless, I am satisfied that my current focus is on God, family (spiritual and earthly), and career.</li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Thanksgiving</span> - I can't wait until the holiday season. Enough said.</li></ol><br />The feeling I have is probably like what someone who is skydiving for the first time feels as they stand at the edge of the plane, waiting to leap. Scared out of their wits, but deep, deep down inside, quivering with excitement. Altogether, not an inappropriate analogy for how I feel about my life right now.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-11185382120474428352009-09-22T13:04:00.001-04:002009-09-22T13:04:22.362-04:00VeritasWhen I was younger I used to struggle so much with Christianity because <span style="font-style: italic;">so many things about it didn't make sense to me.</span><br /><br />By God's grace, instead of walking away puffed up with the conclusion that "because it doesn't make sense <span style="font-style: italic;">to me</span>, so I cannot believe," He gave me an insatiable appetite for the seemingly irrational. The more it challenged my pride and my understanding of the world, the more I dug in because I was intrigued.<br /><br />I guess now in retrospect it's not so surprising that I am a psychologist.<br /><br />I still don't consider myself mature in the faith; I have so many shortcomings that even now I cringe when I recall them. But, one thing I take delight in is the realization that I have at least gone deep enough in my walk to acknowledge that Christianity is real to me <span style="font-style: italic;">precisely because so much of it doesn't make sense to me.</span><br /><br />The more education I have, the more books I read, the more papers I write, the more people I know, the more I see just how <span style="font-style: italic;">limited</span> and small human reasoning is. How long has humanity struggled with life's questions and still haven't figured out the solutions? If human reasoning is all there is and all we need, disciplines like philosophy wouldn't even need to exist the way it does now. I think the evidence is clear that human reasoning is extremely limited (whether or not people choose to accept that is another question). So, if my logic and brainpower is so frail and transitory, how could I believe in an all-powerful, almighty God if I could make sense of every single thing he does? If I could provide clear-cut, cookie-cutter, well-fitted answers for every one of life's tough questions?<br /><br />If I could do that, I would either be a very excellent BSer, or God would not be God.<br /><br />I used to think that the more I wrestled with doubt, the more I would move away from God. So in the beginning, I shied away from thinking about the tough questions out of fear I would lose my religious identity, something that took years to build. But now, having locked arms with God, pushing back and being pushed, I find myself in a much more intense, enlightening, and warmer embrace of Christ than I ever have before.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-49719775823953565252009-09-16T01:08:00.005-04:002009-09-16T01:11:38.152-04:00sudden thoughtIt popped into my mind after I finished my Jeremiah chapters for today's devotions.<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">It would be a shame if I went back to Egypt. </span><span>It would be so tempting but so stupid to choose immediate comfort over GOD, over perseverance. But how many times have I done that?</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span>Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-24915757529467440872009-09-03T09:17:00.003-04:002009-09-03T09:19:36.492-04:00Village of 100Don't know the source of these stats, but kind of interesting to think about.<br /><br />One village of 100 people<br /><br />World evangelism statistics: What would our world look like?<br />Raw population statistics overwhelm you. Here's one way of visualizing the world and its economic, housing, health, religious and educational needs:<br />Shrink the earth's population to one village of exactly 100 people. Apply the earth's racial, economic and other ratios to these 100 people. Here's how this village would look:<br /><br />Origins:<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">60 would be from Asia</span><br />12 would be European in origin<br />15 would have come from the Western Hemisphere (9 Latin Americans, 5 North Americans, and 1 from Oceania)<br />13 would be from Africa<br />Sex / Gender:<br />50 would be female<br />50 would be male<br />Skin color<br />80 would be non-white<br />20 would be white<br />Religion:<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">67 would be non-Christian<br /></span>33 would label themselves as "Christian"<br />Economics<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">20 people would be receiving almost 90% of the village's total income</span><br />Housing:<br />25 would live in substandard housing<br />Literacy<br />17 would not be able to read at all<br />Nutrition<br />13 would be malnourished<br />Life and death<br />1 would die within the year<br />2 would give birth within the year<br />Education<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2 would have a college education</span><br />Technology<br />4 would own a computerGracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-12149771469267983892009-08-27T23:59:00.002-04:002009-08-28T00:01:43.285-04:00"secular" songs make the best praise songs.<p>When the rain<br />Is blowing in your face<br />And the whole world<br />Is on your case<br />I could offer you<br />A warm embrace<br />To make you feel My love<p>When the evening shadows<br />And the stars appear<br />And there is no one there<br />To dry your tears<br />I could hold you<br />For a million years<br />To make you feel My love</p><p>I know you<br />Haven't made<br />Your mind up yet<br />But I would never<br />Do you wrong<br />I've known it<br />From the moment<br />That we met<br />No doubt in My mind<br />Where you belong</p><p>I'd go hungry<br />I'd go black and blue<br />I'd go crawling<br />Down the avenue<br />No, there's nothing<br />That I wouldn't do<br />To make you feel My love</p><p>The storms are raging<br />On the rolling sea<br />And on the highway of regret<br />Though winds of change<br />Are throwing wild and free<br />You ain't seen nothing<br />Like Me yet</p><p>I could make you happy<br />Make your dreams come true<br />Nothing that I wouldn't do<br />Go to the ends<br />Of the Earth for you<br />To make you feel My love</p>Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-19610490487795440002009-08-26T16:32:00.007-04:002009-08-26T17:02:29.736-04:00i <3 Taylor Swift, but not her fans<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPDu1V5cDPDqDQxpeEEJk0ZT2W1JMAwSeUW6NCEjcNBpRZncp5GG0v0wUPHRHmjV9ffPenv316EkehWzGXD_v99izEz81EB01iMMP5FY3K0kU97x-SVHbd-vbbvJ9YaU7l6ONjMUqP2bL8/s1600-h/IMG_2196.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 150px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgPDu1V5cDPDqDQxpeEEJk0ZT2W1JMAwSeUW6NCEjcNBpRZncp5GG0v0wUPHRHmjV9ffPenv316EkehWzGXD_v99izEz81EB01iMMP5FY3K0kU97x-SVHbd-vbbvJ9YaU7l6ONjMUqP2bL8/s200/IMG_2196.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5374380817453159890" border="0" /></a><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div>At this point, most people living on Planet Earth have heard me announce this in repeated excitement over the last week - I was in the MTV VMA's video shoot for Taylor Swift's performance in September. It took place last night and lasted until around 1 in the morning... which is why now I'm totally hooked on coffee.<br /><br />So, Jen and I got to the Grand Hyatt an hour early and made it into the shoot (they turned a significant amount of people away). We were part of the extras that scream and chase Taylor out of a subway station. Unfortunately, we were not dressed skanky enough to get into the more elite group of individuals who got to pose inside the subway car with Taylor before she gets chased. I kid (kinda). It seemed like selection was somewhat random but 'dressier' girls do seem to get picked more, as do guys. I guess my skinny jeans just didn't cut it, although I had a high school girl comment that she couldn't understand how I didn't get picked because she liked my top. I'm not sure whether to take that as a compliment. I guess I will since we were told to look 'between 18 and 25.' :P<br /><br />Here are some things I learned through the totally brainless video shoot:<br /><ul><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">It's cool to do once, but it's not as cool as people think.</span> We practiced running/screaming up the Grand Central platform staircase multiple times. PRACTICED. SCREAMING. RUNNING UP THE STAIRS. Seriously? My IQ lowered with each practice run. And the whole night was a lot of waiting. A shoot in the NYC subway in mid-August surrounded by prepubescent girls totally either builds your physical/mental character, or destroys it. >:P<br /></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Privileged HS girls are failwhales.</span> I will need God's grace to perform a miracle should I ever need to minister to girls from upper West side who go to "like, every single Jonas Brothers/Miley Cyrus concert ever" and then criticize other girls for doing the same thing. Also catty girls who made snide comments about other girls (whether or not they deserved it). More than once I was tempted to either ask them to keep their lips sealed, or push them onto the subway track (don't worry, I did neither!). And once Jen and I almost got bulldozed by this petite Latina chick who was screaming out to touch Taylor at the end of a practice run. I was in serious fear for my safety!<br /></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">I am old.</span> Seriously, maybe I left YG at the right time. I couldn't really find any common ground whatsoever to get to know the high schoolers at my table. But I do think urban youths have different needs than suburban ones.<br /></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Taylor Swift is sweet.</span> And also pretty in person. I gave her a high-five, but it was more like a soft hand grab. A girly, gentle, lady-like high-five.<br /></li><li><span style="font-weight: bold;">Entitlement is a sneaky sin.</span> At first, people were excited just to make it in. As the night dragged however and some got into the subway car shoot, people became disgruntled, envious and impatient. And I found myself thinking the same way too, before realizing what I was doing. It is so easy to have a sense of entitlement creep up on me.<span style="font-weight: bold;"> I need to practice gratitude for everything I am given in life.</span> I truly believe now that gratitude is a discipline and not just an attitude.</li></ul>Overall, I liked being part of the shoot just to see what it was like, and although I understand the hype (I WILL be watching the VMAs to see if I made it into 0.00005 ms of the shoot :P), it was totally an experience in which I stared at popular culture, stardom, celebrity, and realized... not my slice of pie. I didn't like the feeling of being swept up in something because everyone else is, and over something that deep in my gut I felt was completely inconsequential to things that really mattered. But I still have the choice now to attend the VMAs itself, since I was part of the shoot... and I am still planning to go. Even after all that deep stuff, I still want to meet Beyonce! I think everyone knows that I'm not deep MOST of the time. :PGracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-36162465774453088332009-08-21T08:48:00.004-04:002009-08-21T08:54:40.461-04:00dreamsI had a dream last night where I was auditioning for <span style="font-style: italic;">America's Next Top Model</span>. I had to learn a simple dance routine that I completely bungled when it came time to the actual performance. Come to think of it I think it was a dance pattern I learned in a fitness class. Anyway, I hid behind a group of really good-looking girls while waiting for the results and got through to the next round. I became really excited and couldn't believe my fortune -- same for my friend in the dream. Then they announced for the next audition we had to sing Lady Gaga songs, and I was like "Crap! I can't sing!" Then I woke up.<br /><br />I'm not really sure what to make of this dream; I have no desire to enter ANTM. Maybe my brain somehow crossed its wires with the shoot for the VMAs I'm going to this Tuesday. That should be exciting. :)<br /><br />I wish though my dream had more meaning, e.g. Joseph's dreams, but for me. Each time I hit the pillow I have a wild hope that perhaps God will speak to me through my dreams and grant me some peace via divine insight, but it never happens. So, ok, I get it - I need to exercise my faith and step out on the water - but would it really hurt to give a girl some supernatural boost?<br /><br />And I also wish that in real life, you can be carried to success in the shadow of talented people. It's unfair but it's true.<br /><br />Oh well. Totally random.Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1314017436812526082.post-25089704057132336192009-08-11T21:18:00.003-04:002009-08-11T21:24:18.500-04:00i want THIS kind of faith.Though the fig tree does not bud<br /> and there are no grapes on the vines,<br /> though the olive crop fails<br /> and the fields produce no food,<br /> though there are no sheep in the pen<br /> and no cattle in the stalls,<br /><br />yet I will rejoice in the LORD,<br /> I will be joyful in God my Savior.<br /><br />The Sovereign LORD is my strength;<br /> he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,<br /> he enables me to go on the heights.<br /><br />"If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. <span style="font-weight: bold;">But even if he does not</span>, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."<br /><br />I will love You<br />I will trust You<br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Even if not.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">Habakkuk 3 & Daniel 3</span><span><br />http://newbrunswick.liquidchurch.com/pages/page.asp?page_id=77626</span><span style="font-style: italic;"><br /></span>Gracehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/17722670573044652283noreply@blogger.com0